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Category Archives: Infidelity Coach

Coaching to Surviving an Affair – for Couples

I am often asked, “How do you help people survive an affair? What do you tell a couple when this actually happens to them?” My plan to achieve that remarkable result takes a couple down a very narrow path. There are plenty of rules to follow, and without the complete cooperation of both spouses it [...]

Marriage Counseling: Saving the Marriage After the Wedding

Marriage Counseling: Saving the Marriage After the Wedding

Every marriage starts off with the desire for the bond to last a lifetime. So what happens when it does not? More importantly, why did it not? The months before the wedding are the most exciting. People are more vibrant. They feel as if they are living a dream come true as they prepare for [...]

The Power of Mindsight: How Can We Free Ourselves from Prisons of the Past?

The Power of Mindsight: How Can We Free Ourselves from Prisons of the Past?

When you were young, which of these did you feel more often? a) No matter what I do, my parents love me; b) I can’t seem to please my parents, no matter what I do; c) My parents don’t really notice me.The answers to such questions don’t just reveal truths about our childhood. They also [...]

How to Nurture Love in Respect by Creating Love Maps

How to Nurture Love in Respect by Creating Love Maps

What is a love map? Gottman says it’s the part of your brain where you store important information about your spouse. It’s like a mental notebook where you write down unique traits of your spouse and things about him or her you want to remember. It includes your spouse’s dreams, goals, joys, fears, likes, dislikes, [...]

Get a 3,000 Mile Oil Change for Your Marriage

Get a 3,000 Mile Oil Change for Your Marriage

Preventative maintenance is always less expensive. We know it is required with cars, so why don’t we do it for our relationships? All relationships require effort. I’m reluctant to call it “work” because at the heart of the matter (pun intended) the effort and energy expended to grow and enjoy a relationship should be framed [...]

Relationship is All About Freedom and Power

Relationship is All About Freedom and Power

“Whenever two people meet there are really six people present. There is each person as they see themselves, each person as the other person sees them, and each person as they really are.” William James Most of us spend a good amount of time and energy trying to figure out the whys and wherefores of [...]

About The Relationship Society

About The Relationship Society

Connection is why we are here, life is about relationships,  it is what gives purpose and meaning. Health is social. Over the last 12 years I have been researching a cultural phenomenon which Social Psychologists have been observing for the last 100 years that there is a significant loss in our communities of what they [...]

Nine Psychological Tasks for a Good Marriage

Nine Psychological Tasks for a Good Marriage

Research on what makes a marriage work shows that people in a good marriage have completed these psychological “tasks”: Separate emotionally from the family you grew up in; not to the point of estrangement, but enough so that your identity is separate from that of your parents and siblings. Build togetherness based on a shared [...]

Freedom to Love When Did “I Love You,” Degenerate Into “Meet my needs!”

Freedom to Love When Did “I Love You,” Degenerate Into “Meet my needs!”

To be free to do something, you must be free not to do it. We are free to love only to the extent that we aren’t forced into it by guilt, shame, fear of abandonment, or, worst of all, the interpretation of vulnerable feelings as emotional needs. No matter how seductive “I need you,” may [...]

Our Relationship Dance: Fight for Connection (Pursue/Withdraw) Joe Whitcomb, M.A. LMFT

Our Relationship Dance: Fight for Connection (Pursue/Withdraw) Joe Whitcomb, M.A. LMFT

The need for closeness and the reactions to being disconnected are a natural part of being human in close relationships, especially in a marital relationship. Couples also long for closeness while protecting their hearts from being hurt and devalued. Spouses cling and cry, get angry and protest, or become withdrawn and detached when actually all [...]