God gave married couples a precious gift when He created sex, because sexual intimacy deepens the bond between husband and wife. Sex within marriage is designed to bring intimacy, comfort, oneness and pleasure, but it’s also meant for procreation and to protect against the temptation of sexual immorality. That is why Paul states, “ Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer” (1 Cor. 7:5a). However every marriage has its high and low points as life brings a combination of responsibilities, children, and different stressors that can weigh heavy on us, which can result in a disconnected marriage. Therefore, whether you realize it or not your sex life may begin to suffer as more and more time passes by without you and your spouse connecting intimately. So with that said, are sexless married couples doomed to fail? The quick answer is not necessarily, but it may raise some red flags.
What causes the lack of sex in a marriage?
There are many reasons as to why sex may fall to the wayside in a marriage, and not all of them will hinder the relationship. For instance, a lack of sex may not be a problem for couples that both have low libidos and feel they can have fulfilling connectedness in other ways. A couple may be able to withstand long periods of a sexless marriage if one spouse has a health issue that affects their sex drive. For other couples sex is not necessarily a high priority, however depending on why your marriage is sexless may determine if it’s in danger or not.
If you have mismatched libidos and one initiates while the other is constantly turning them down it can take an emotional toll making the higher-libido spouse feel rejected and less desirable, while the lower-libido spouse feels inadequate as they struggle to meet their partners sexual needs. A sexless marriage could also be a sign of deeper issues within the relationship, which may include criticism, frequent arguing, and anger. Or the short answer might be children, and your dry spell may be a result of exhaustion and hormonal changes if pregnant or breastfeeding. No matter the reason not making love with your spouse can have an affect on your marriage.
How being sexless can affect your marriage
Sexual intimacy is an important piece of how God designed marriage; in fact God’s word celebrates it as an act of meaningful love between a husband and wife. This is why Paul in 1 Corinthians says refraining from sex must be mutual but also for the sole purpose of growing in your relationship with God because he then continues with, “Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (vs 7:5b). Therefore the lack of sex in a marriage could result in unhappiness, distance from each other and unfulfillment. This could result in the enemy gaining a stronghold on your marriage. Each individual may experience low self-esteem, marriage may feel unstable and the constant blaming and fighting may cause bitterness to take room. Then you have those who seek to be satisfied elsewhere leading a spouse to commit infidelity. God created us as sexual beings and marriage is meant to be that safe and pure place to indulge but when it’s lacking, the enemy will seek to cause division. So take heed if you notice your marriage is becoming sexless.
Rekindle your sex life
Sometimes all a couple needs to do is just get naked, while for others it may take a process of learning how to love their spouse again. Thankfully God cares about your marriage and your sex life. He is the one that brought you two together, so laying the brokenness of your marriage before Him will help you take steps forward. Be honest with one another, and instead of sweeping it under the carpet, try to discover where it all began and what issues you both may need to resolve to feel connected again. If it takes a while for the mood to strike begin with scheduling sex and sticking with it. If the act of intercourse feels like too much right away try to kiss for longer intervals until your fully making out.
Yes, a sexless marriage can survive, but why survive when it can thrive. Allow God to do a work within your marriage and put sex back on the table.