What I Believe
• Couples are seeking a safe connection. We want to feel that connection with each other, that aliveness, that excitement, that sense of well being. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual connection. It is what we feel when we first come together with someone and “fall in love."
• Conflict is the motivating force for healing and growth in relationships. I believe the conflict couples experience after the “honeymoon period” of their relationship is actually necessary. Conflict points out where we don’t get our needs met. Unmet needs create a breakdown in connection, destroying passion and intimacy. Many couples don’t navigate this “power struggle” phase successfully and eventually break up or settle for a less than satisfying relationship.
• Connection requires Safety and Passion. We want the emotional safety to be ourselves, to be open and honest, to feel accepted and understood. With this safety, comes deep connection. From this nurturing environment, passion can arise and be sustained. I mean sexual passion, of course, and also, emotional passion. The freedom to be spontaneous, to express who we are, to be intimate and excited by our lives is also a key desire.
• Expressing and meeting your needs creates a healthy, passionate relationship. I will teach you to create the emotional safety which will allow you to recognize and express your needs consciously. From this place of safety and satisfied needs, a conscious, passionate relationship can develop.
• You can learn how to connect again with your partner! You can share with each other on a deep, loving, meaningful level. You can feel heard and understood by your partner. You can learn to be more compassionate and empathic with them and they with you.
• You can have a passionate, exciting sex life with your partner! You can spontaneously express your feelings towards your partner through your lovemaking.
• You can feel good about yourself and your relationship again! You can know your needs, share them with your partner and together you can help each other to meet those needs! You can respect and cherish each other and treat each other and your relationship with that deep caring and nurturing.
• You can recapture that playfulness, that innocence, that pure joy of being together that you once had! You can tap into and recreate those wonderful, idyllic moments you once shared and have them available to you once again!
• You can reignite the passion of your relationship! You can remove the baggage that has weighed you down and be lifted into a new romance, a new love, a new depth that you have always wanted and you will be able to sustain it.
Working With Me
• You’ll learn skills, tools and exercises to help your relationship. My ultimate task is to put myself out of a job. I want you to be able to be responsible for your relationship and have the skills to make it the best it can possibly be.
• I’ll expect you to practice between sessions. The majority of the work takes place between our sessions. The results you receive will be in direct proportion to the work you put into this process. I’m committed to doing everything in my power to help you in your relationship. I expect the same from you.
• I’ll shoot straight with you. I’m not afraid to speak my mind. I’m not afraid to take charge of our sessions. I won’t collude with you in the sustaining the unhealthy parts of your relationship. I’ll hold you accountable for creating the relationship vision that you desire so strongly to create.
• I’ll help “translate” between you and your partner. This is something I’ve had a great deal of practice at, and I’m really good at it. I can speak your language, whether intellectual or emotional, whether masculine or feminine, whether verbal or non-verbal. It’s one of my greatest gifts as a couples’ therapist.
• My job is to keep you emotionally safe and secure while you do the work. I take that very seriously. Couples are generally not very comfortable with the process of beginning couples work. They are airing all of their issues in front of a total stranger. There can be a lot of finger pointing and blaming, criticizing and condemning. I don’t allow that. We’ll create a space where you can be honest AND kind and loving. Developing intimacy requires the freedom to be open and vulnerable, which requires safety.
• We’ll laugh and have fun. This is serious work, and needs to be balanced with a sense of humor. I’m professional, yet relaxed and easy-going. I’m flexible, creative and out-of-the-box. I’ll do my best to set you at ease and have you be as comfortable as you can be through this challenging, yet rewarding process.